Friday, August 10, 2007

I want to be alone (sorta, kinda)

I love my family ,really, but I really need some quiet time. Since my beloved kitty passed, I haven't really had the house to my self. (maybe that's good, I don't know.)
Daughter's summer break started right after and hubby's been taking a lot of vacation days. I think I'm ready to be left alone for the day. I could write, read, watch dvd's that I like without derisive commentary from the peanut gallery. (Buffy and Firefly are not "lame" and Joss Wheden is a genius.) Maybe I could just take a long nap, or instead of crying softly I could grieve as loudly as I need to over losing my best friend. Maybe along with some alone time I also need a little understanding. I don't know... It's just between the rheumatoid arthritis flares and all this heavy sadness, I feel like something has to break, and I think it could be me. I have my good days, but I feel like they're not genuine, like I'm putting on a happy face because my family doesn't want to deal with anything else. I think when I finally get some quiet time I'll light some lavender and rose candles and ask for some inner peace from Mother God.

1 comment:

Sunrunner said...

I understand completely. As much as I love having the kids at home (obviously when they're behaving and polite, helpful, e.t.c...) I have been feeling almost overstimulated as soon as everyone wakes up in the morning! Take care.