Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Swimming to the surface
Well, it's been quite a while. The only true, wonderful, purely sweet things seems to be my kitties and their antics and love.
My husband's father passed away a couple of weeks ago. It came much faster than anyone expected. The cancer was just beginning to cause him pain, but perhaps mercy visited, as it was his heart that gave out in his sleep.
He had been afraid of suffering and wasting away as his brother had and he missed his beloved sister Grace, who had gone before, just a month ago.
My husband understandably took it hard for a bit, but he is moving on fairly well. He said losing his Mum when he was 16 was much worse.
Even before dad passed I had been struggling with depression. Every day had been harder to get through. I can't seem to pinpoint one thing over the other that has me so emotionally incapacitated. I stay in my pj's most days, only pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt to get some groceries. My husband sometimes drags me out for coffee, but I can't wait to get back home and nap. I have not been able to find a good pain reliever yet, so rest and hot baths and showers are a refuge.
I have three books started and I can't finish any of them. I re read the same paragraphs over and over before tossing them aside. I stare at the tv and not really notice what I'm watching. It's just noise to fill the silence.
I haven't turned on my computer for nearly a month. I've been afraid to blog. What could I say? This. All I have right now is how sad I am. Yay, what fun for you to read!
Now, my fingers hurt again and for what? A sad blog entry...
I know I need to snap out of this. My kitties are all happy and healthy right now and they should be the stars of this blog. Perhaps after some time I will do an overhaul of the blog.
Thank you ALL for being so kind! Karla told me that my friends have been worried and I was very surprised. She said that Spring will come. I just have to hold on to that.
Cricket is now, quite full of herself after saving me. She wants a nurses cap
a paycheck and two weeks paid vacation. We settled on unlimited Fancy Feast in her favourite fishy flavors.
Billie and Cody are doing really well. Billie has taken to sleeping on my bed a lot, so I bring her food up there. Today, she actually came downstairs and is napping on the sofa. Maybe she knows I'm finally blogging.
Toeshee is his usual naughty, sweet little clown self. He loves to chase the cursor on my husbands laptop. Look at his funny, cute little face.
I hope you all aren't mad at me, but I understand if you are. I wish and hope I can swim to the surface of this deep blue pool I have fallen in.